Humans have odd relationships with animal feet. We’ve decided that rabbits’ feet are good luck. Pigs’ feet are good eats. Monkeys’ paws grant wishes and also teach us lessons. Of course, you might not believe that any of these things are true (pigs’ feet are an acquired taste). Of course, at SkyMall Tuesday headquarters, we believe that no stone should go unturned (or foot unexamined) in the course of exploring all things SkyMall. So, as you can imagine, we were particularly intrigued when we discovered this week’s featured product. We can’t say that we were totally surprised, as people have been using animal feet (and other parts, for that matter) for their own benefits for thousands of years, but when it comes to this animal, we assumed that there was only one use: Thanksgiving dinner. Leave it to SkyMall, though, to prove us wrong with the Turkey Foot Back Scratcher.
If you or I were to look at a turkey, we’d only see dinner (or maybe cold cuts). SkyMall looks at a turkey and sees the sweet satisfaction of an itch scratched. It’s completely logical, of course. Turkey feet were meant to scratch human backs. You can’t exactly use eagle or hawk feet: they’re far too sharp. You’d rip your back to shreds. And duck feet are too soft. You’d just be caressing your back. But turkey feet? Turkey feet are just right.
Think that you can buy any old back scratcher? Believe that attaching a fake turkey foot to a stick is just creepy? Well, while you rub up against your couch to reach that awkward spot in the middle of your back, well be reading the product description:
The foot itself is made of hand-painted poly resin and mounted onto a metal shaft that expands from 19″ to 25″ to help you hit just the right spot. Leather strap helps you hold onto the scratcher if you slip into itch nirvana and lose control of your body.
“Mounted.” “Shaft.” “The right spot.” “Leather strap.” “Nirvana.” “Lose control of your body.” 50 Shades of Turkey Foot is a pretty juicy read!
So, the next time that you have an itch on your back, don’t give yourself a hand. Look to the animal kingdom, as we always have. It’s the only way to put your best foot forward.
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