I’m overdue for a good SkyMall Tuesday rant. It’s not as easy as you think to find the positives in every single SkyMall product. It often takes a great deal of soul searching, probing, and alcohol. This week, however, I just don’t have the strength to put up the fight (also, drinking at the office is strongly discouraged). So, instead, I’m going to vent a bit. Here we go: pet strollers are idiotic. They’re mind-bogglingly insane. Dogs are living things. They are (in most instances) ambulatory when left to their own devices thanks to the propulsion created by what we in the science biz call legs. They happen to have four of them, which is double (or 100 percent more) than we have. THEY CAN WALK! They can run. They can jump. Why are people pushing able-bodied dogs around in strollers when these animals need exercise, enjoy going for walk, and even benefit from the occasional run? Because people are just terrible. And so is the Pet Gear Travel System.
This is the part of SkyMall Tuesday where I typically start to make a case for the featured product, but forget that noise. Let’s jump straight to the product description while I sneak some whiskey out of my desk drawer:
Pet Gear strollers are a great way to take your pet with you on a long walk through the park, a walk around the block or maybe even shopping at the mall. The Pet Gear stroller safely contains and protects your pet wherever you go. The Travel System has a removeable [sic] carrier that allows you to carry your pet secure your pet in a car and stroll your pet with ease.
There’s another great way to take your pet with you on a long walk through the park or a walk around the block. It’s called a leash! You know what you don’t need while shopping at the mall? Your dog! Dogs can be left at home. They’re dogs, not children.
Seriously, people, dogs are animals. They need exercise. They need discipline. They need a stroller about as much as they need stilettos.
Don’t get me wrong; whenever I see a child in a stroller, I allow my mind to wander and imagine a world in which my wife pushes me around while I eat an ice cream cone. That, however, is not realistic (yet). Ultimately, as an adult, I do not belong in a stroller. The same can be said for healthy dogs.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need a massage. My neck hurts from shaking my head.
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